Please
by aiupenn
Summary: It's impossible to say 'no' to Ama when he says 'please' with those begging eyes of his. Zinn can only hope he can turn that weapon against him just once. Or Five times Ama said 'please' and the one time Zinn did.


"Please."

The word tumbled so easily from Ama's lips, as if he didn't even know the power it held. His eyes got just a little bigger, just a little softer, and Zinn was putty instantly. After that one simple word, there was no turning back. He could only give one answer. "All right! Fine!" Zinn threw up his arms in complete frustration, "I'll come! Just finally leave me alone for half a day after this, alright?"

Ever since Obscur's second defeat, Ama kept on visiting and insisting over and over that he just had to meet this other Exorcist bud of his. Zinn was completely against this, of course. He knew how much trouble Exorcists were first hand. But Ama just kept coming the fucker. What a pain in the ass. It wasn't just messing up his daily routine, his presence was genuinely off-putting. Every time he was around Ama, Zinn felt like he was just gonna keel over without any warning. Heart beating right out of his chest, breaking out in a cold sweat, blushing at the worst possible times...

Zinn wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what all those symptoms meant, but he sure as Hell was not going to admit it. An Exorcist, for God's sake! He must be insane...

"Thank you," Ama said, completely unaware of the emotional turmoil Zinn was going through, "It'll be worth your while I promise."

Zinn waved his hand dismissively, "Yeah, yeah."

* * *

"Please."

Zinn groaned. He couldn't believe he was hearing that magic word again so soon. Lord knows he's only just recovered from meeting Ama's friend. (Who was a real ass, for what it was worth. Ama said Bougain was doing his best to be more 'accepting' of non-humans, but he was not trying hard enough.)

Now, what was he pulling out this oh-so-treasured word for? To get him to walk with him to the station. Ama had added on some excuse about making an enemy that Zinn could practically smell was a lie. The Exorcist wasn't very good at lying and Zinn couldn't even imagine the use of lying for such a simple thing.

It wasn't that he minded walking with Ama, though. A large part of him was overjoyed to get the extra time to spend with him. But the logical part of him realized that it was dangerous. He was falling for him faster and faster the more he saw him. Everytime Ama came to his doorstep, he felt his heart grow heavier, more in love with him. If he kept seeing him and spending time with him and falling in love with him...

Would that be so bad?

Yes, he told himself, it would. Because maybe his feelings would never be returned.

But maybe Ama would.

Zinn shook his head to clear his cobweb of thoughts and then let out a half hiss, half huff through his teeth. He made a big show of grumpily snatching up his coat. "Fine. I have school work to do you know."

Ama picked up the handle of his suitcase. "Thank you for taking time out of your busy day."

Zinn huffed again, this time half amused. "As if you care what I'm up to. I swear you come barging in here just to mess my life up."

"That's hardly my intention," Ama assured him.

"Whatever," Zinn replied, "Just this once."

* * *

"Please."

This time, it was just ridiculous.

"You want me to... Walk down to the river... with you?" Zinn was forcing the words out through gritted teeth.

Exactly what kind of superfluous nonsense is this?! Now he understood why Ama had lied the first time. Without it, Zinn looked at him like his head had been cut off. What exactly did he hope to gain other than annoying him!?

"Yes. I'm sorry for the inconvenience," Ama said with a small, apologetic smile.

Zinn's legs went weak and he could only hollowly say "Fine" for the third time. This was becoming flat out ridiculous...

* * *

"Please."

This time, the word caught Zinn completely off guard. It was the same pleading statement he'd heard many times before, but this time it rang very differently. It was desperate.

He wanted to say 'no'. He knew this was going to be more torture than it was worth. Pretending to be the husband of a guy you already have a pretty suffocating crush on was a disastrous idea. Something unfortunate was bound to come of this. Plus, going this deep undercover probably meant that the "party" they were going to was truly dangerous. Desperation was not something Zinn had heard in Ama's voice before, so that only echoed his suspicion.

"Tell me one thing," Zinn said for the first time and Ama nodded solemnly, "Are you going to be safe?"

Ama's jaw clenched and Zinn's stomach dropped into his shoes.

"Oh, Christ, Ama..." he said, breathless.

With a shaking hand, Zinn grabbed Ama's shoulder. "Of course. Of course I'll come, alright?"

Ama mouth opened as if to say something, but it closed without any words coming out.

Zinn gave his arm a soft pat. "I'll be ready in fifteen minutes."

"Thank you..."

His thanks didn't make Zinn feel any better at all.

* * *

"Please. Trust me."

Ama's hand held Zinn's with a death grip. Both of them were shaking with adrenaline and pure terror as they stared down the cliff.

The truth was that Zinn knew almost for a fact that they could not physically survive this. It was too high a drop into too shallow a river. There would be no one to save them when they lost consciousness under the water. They'd drown if they didn't dash themselves on the rocks first.

But, there was that word again. The word he'd crumbled to every time before. He was still just as helpless to it as before. He still could only say one thing in response. "I trust you," his words sounded far more confident than he felt.

He squeezed the other man's hand and together, they jumped.

* * *

Zinn held onto Ama's pulse beneath his fingertips like it was the only thing that mattered. Becuase it was. It was the only thing he cared about. It was the only thing he would care about until he knew he was safe. Or until the beat stopped.

Ama's wrist was terrifyingly still and cold, empty and lifeless. The hospital was being purposely vague on details. It was only through Bougain of all people that he was even allowed in the room, vouching for Zinn's flat out lie that they were married. But he knew what it meant when doctors were vague.

It meant that hope was slipping through their fingers.

It meant no one knew if Ama was going to live.

Tears he'd been holding back for two days spilled out when he admitted that last part to himself. His eyes squeezed shut, trying to hide from the reality of it all, but it only made him more hyperaware of Ama's slow pulse. A sob rose in his throat and he was hopeless to hold it back. His voice was broken and hollow to his ears as it echoed back to him in the white room. It felt like his body was collapsing in on itself as he huddled around Ama's limp hand-his only lifeline to his dying friend... no. Love. His dying love.

He heaved in a shaky breath, his lungs feeling torn and ragged. Ama's hand was soaked in tears by now, but Zinn didn't have the time to feel bad about it.

"Please!" he yelled to the empty air. The horrible, wretched sound pierced him to his core, even though it came from his own mouth. He brought Ama's hand to his forehead and all the loud panic he felt before quieted, and his voice became a shaky whisper, "Please... Just... Wake up."

"I won't ask for anything else," he said between sobs, "I just want you to wake up. Please. So I can tell you everything that I didn't tell you before. And so that stupid Bougain can annoy me again. And so that you don't upset Father Lian... Wake up..."

"Please..." he repeated the word one last time, desperately, as if it would summon Ama back to this world magically.

There was a song of fabric moving and then, "I thought..." a heaving breath, "You said you'd trust me."

Zinn could not believe his ears. His head snapped up to see Ama looking at him with the softest look in his eyes possible, hardly showing any of the pain and exhaustion he must feel.

The tears only came fell stronger after this. Zinn completely forgot all decorum and all concern for Ama's current injuries and collapsed onto him with a suffocating hug. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't manage it through his exhausted lungs. Instead, he just sobbed into Ama's chest.

The Exorcist rubbed his back comfortingly until Zinn's tears dried up and even after that. They lay like that together for a long while, until finally Ama mentioned, "I'm having a bit of trouble breathing."

Slowly, Zinn brought himself up, wiping away all the snot and tears on his face. He was no doubt a puffy, red mess. "I-I'm sorry. I broke my promise..." he said. Ama chuckled lightly and the sound made Zinn so happy he felt lightheaded.

"What was it that you wanted to tell me, Zinn?" Ama asked after a moment.

Zinn panicked immediately. "Wa-wait! I have to call the doctor in here! We need to make sure you're stable." This was only partially an excuse.

"I'm fine, Zinn," Ama said, "Can it at least wait one minute? If you don't have something to say, I have something to tell you."

Zinn swallowed, casting an uncertain look at Ama's injuries. "Al-alright."

Without a pause, Ama said, "I love you."

That was simply too much emotion for one day. Zinn collapsed back onto his chair, stunned and out of breath.

"I-I'm sorry?" he managed after a very long time.

"You're very sweet and kind," Ama said, "and you've got that annoying temper... and you always protect me, you like dogs, you smile whenever you want to, you cry when you're sad, you yell when you're angry... All of that I love you for."

"That's stupid." It was a reflex response on Zinn's part, simply because it was so inconceivable.

Ama let out a hum. "Probably, but I'm afraid there's not anything either of us can do about it."

They sat in silence for a very long time as Zinn gathered all the loose threads for the last couple weeks they'd been together. "Then... Was that why you kept dragging me around with you?"

"I thought I was being rather obvious, especially by the third time. After all, the first time it was basically a double date."

"I'm sorry, it was a what?"

"Well, it was supposed to be. Bougain said Lian was supposed to come but he got caught up with some non-human mess."

"I'm lost..."

Ama let out a soft, gentle sigh. "I don't mind if you don't reciprocate, so don't feel pressure from that end. I just wanted to let you know after you almost died with me."

"I never said anything about not reciprocating!" Zinn protested.

Ama's eyes slowly locked with his, a bewildered look in them, as if he hadn't considered this as an outcome.

"I-" Zinn started and then trailed off, his eyes darting away from Ama's, "I lov-like you... quite a lot, too." He couldn't say love. It felt too intimate and scary of a word. 'Like' was the wrong word for what he felt, but it would have to do.

"Well," Ama would have sounded composed if his voice hadn't cracked just the slightest bit, "I don't see a problem them." He let out a shaky breath.

Silence again, then Zinn got up a little bit of courage. "Can I kiss you, then? I mean... if I like you and if you like me...? We can do that right?"

Ama didn't seem to know how to respond to this either. "Well... I'm not really up to going over to you, so you'll have to come here, but... I'm very far from opposed."

Zinn stood up on unsteady legs and walked over as Ama's darted around shyly, looking just as nervous as Zinn felt. He couldn't help but tease the exorcist for that, "You look scared."

"To be honest, this wasn't how I imagined the scenario playing out," he blushed slightly and considering this was the first time Zinn had seen him flustered, he recorded this face into his memory.

"What? Did you think I just went along with your antics for fun?" he asked.

"I don't know..." Ama averted his eyes again.

Zinn sucked in a breath and put on hand on Ama's pillow, forcing the other man to look at him now. A bolt of excitement went up his spine and he couldn't help but smile.

Ama gave his soft smile back, "What?"

"I'm just excited, that's all."

Ama flushed at this, and then Zinn dove in for the kiss.

* * *

Comments and critique is always appreciated!


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